What if comparison is not the thief of joy?
Social media has become our window to the outside world and all that scrolling along the great successes of our friends and peers and “influencers” is making us miserable. But social comparison is one of the hallmarks of evolution so it can’t be all bad. Can it?
Anyone who knows me will realize what I’m doing. And I have no apologies. I absolutely detest dogma and killing sacred cows is a favorite activity of mine. It doesn’t win me any friends but my own personal curiosity leads me to question the validity of cliches that tend to dominate conversation. And working in fitness/nutrition there are definitely no shortage of simple stories perpetuated with no thought of consequence. But let’s also be clear about something; I myself have used this phrase countless times. So in the spirit of self-awareness: is social comparison really the cause of our misery?
Social comparison theory was developed by social psychologist Leon Festinger in 1954 and posited that those who compare themselves to others with similar abilities and attributes can come up with rather accurate assessments of their own beliefs and capabilities. He outlined two types of comparison, upward and downward. Upward social comparison, usually utilized by those of high motivation to succeed, compares oneself to the attributes of the best at something and thinks of themselves as equal to or better than “the best”. Downward social comparison, often engaged in by unhappy or less motivated people, is comparing ourselves to those of lesser ability in order to feel better about oneself. If upward social comparison helps lift us up and downward social comparison makes us feel better about our current status, then what’s the downside? Well, for one we must be sure that we are comparing ourselves to those of similar status.
If you just started paying attention to your diet and exercise regimen and compare yourself to an IFBB pro you are doomed to failure or are stuck in delusion. In either case, it’s probably not a great feeling. However, if you are a jiu jitsu practitioner it can be useful to evaluate yourself against others of the same belt to see where you stand. Looking for positive traits in yourself that the best also have is a form of self-evaluation. We can also look to the best to see what deficits we currently have and would like to improve upon. This would be self-enhancement. But if you’re a white belt comparing yourself to black belts, your frame of reference will be completely off base. We must compare ourselves socially to those within a similar social or skill status.
Social comparison is something all of us engage in but there seem to be those who engage in a higher amplitude than others. Those who identify as neurotic tend to have a much stronger affect to social media than those who do not. This could lead to higher levels of anxiety or depression but it is hard to say whether it is the presence of social comparison or if there is a predisposition to these characteristics. Again, when comparison occurs within an appropriate level of commensurate skill/status there seem to be less negative emotions related to comparison. Which is why social media can be problematic.
The issue with social media is that we are looking at people and have no way to grade them or our own social scale. If Joe Blow Fitness has a six pack and Lambo he must be doin things right. Yet, we ignore the gram of Tren and the loan he took out to rent that car for a day while still living with his parents in Jersey. That’s the danger of social media. We assume social status based on visual imagery. We live in a Halloweentown where everyone dresses the part they want to play. In real life you have to earn your uniform. And that’s where social comparison can be an important part of our growth.
We cannot ignore the ever increasing role that social media plays in our lives. For me, the effects of social media are likely not as strong as say, a teenage girl. Most of my interactions on social media are with colleagues who I know personally and therefore my social comparison with them is mostly positive and correlates with the findings of Festinger. However, I wasn’t born into a culture of social media. It developed when I was already an adult. For younger people, things may be a bit different. In a 2016 study adolescent girls were asked to view images on social media. The images were selfies of other young women that the girls in the study would view as peers. The selfies were separated into regular, untouched photos and photos that had been enhanced and retouched. When viewing the retouched photos the study participants exhibited a higher level of dissatisfaction with their physical appearance when compared to the untouched photos. This shows that the risks of social media are that manipulation is less apparent because we see these people as peers whereas we expect magazines to be edited.
While the drawbacks are evident in adolescent populations, we can’t necessarily extrapolate that to the adult general population. Within the spheres of both nutrition and behavior there are plenty of examples of situations that are perfectly fine for adults that would be dangerous to expose adolescents to. Just the idea of dieting in general is a potentially damaging activity to an adolescent yet can be a perfectly safe emotional and physical realm for an autonomous adult. *For those that view all diets as psychologically harmful, there have been several studies that not only showed that diets are not negatively associated with personal affect, they may improve it. Wing et al (2007) showed positive psychological outcomes over the course of 18 months while Lasikiewicz et al (2014) showed improvements in body image among weight loss participants was closely tied to changes in weight. Now, we can argue about the challenges of tying our emotions to a scale number but the evidence seems to show a positive result when adherents see a correlation between goals and outcome.
Personally, I despise social media. But not for it’s effects on my happiness due to social comparison. No, the affect of social media on my happiness is due to the exact opposite of negative social comparison. It is likely due to the positive correlation that social media popularity has on people. It builds confidence in areas in which they are otherwise unqualified. The part of social media that bothers me is that I learn so much about people who I would otherwise like. Unfortunately, the freedom to talk freely and find support for even the most craven ideas has given a voice to a particularly insidious part of our culture that is far more prolific than I cared to admit. So the brazenness of hatred is why I find most social media to be detestable. Of course, I guess I would rather know who to avoid than end up guilty by association. But I digress...
So is social comparison really to blame for our unhappiness? Or is it something else? Is it perhaps our unreasonable expectations? Or our feelings of entitlement? Or our western society as a whole? Is the entirety of our system set up for us to consume more and want more in an effort to find happiness when all it does is drive us further into a deficit of content.
Social comparison has been a part of our DNA since before we began to walk upright. It has helped to shape societies and hierarchies from apes to neanderthal to the Prom Court in High School. It might not be fair but it has served a purpose in our evolution. So instead of blaming a construct of evolution for our unhappiness perhaps we can use it for our advantage instead. Look to those who you find inspiring and take what you can from their example. Look to those who are leaders in your field and see how they can drive you to be the best version of you. Look to colleagues to see if there are similarities that might help your success. But be self-aware enough to know where to look. Stop trying to be Lebron if you don’t know how to dribble.
Practice acceptance. Work towards gaining self awareness. Be mindful. And use social comparison for what it was meant for, improvement. Comparison is only the thief of joy if we allow it. Like a tourist to the Trevi Fountain with a camera and a fanny pack, comparison will see you from a mile away if you come in with entitlement and expectations. It will snatch your wallet and ride off into the sunset on the back of a Vespa yelling Ciao! Don’t be a tourist. Be prepared with your joy and no amount of social media posts or bootie pics will take it away.