Reliance is not resilience

I love coaching. I love the challenges it provides. And I love those breakthrough moments when clients realize it’s been them all along. Sometimes, though, a client will spend more and more on coaches to lean on rather than learning to stand in their own.

I’m all for self improvement. At any time I may have a nutrition coach, a training coach, my therapist, a business/marketing coach, multiple BJJ coaches, teachers, mentors, etc. I am all about paying experts in their fields to help me get better. But I am paying them to help me. I am not relying on them. They are coaches not employees. When I hire a contractor I’m reliant; I don’t know how to renovate a bathroom and don’t want to learn. When I hire a coach I’m resilient, they are helping me work through failure points to grow. Big difference.

If your motivation to change is reliant on who you are paying, you’re screwed. The money might not always be there. The new car smell will eventually run out. And success rarely is the result of outsourcing accountability. Rather, it comes from developing autonomy and efficacy in our tasks. Wanna feel more motivated? Get better at doing things on your own.

Coaching is an invaluable resource and a privilege for those that can afford it. It has the potential to remove hurdles and speed up progress in almost any capacity. But a coach can’t do it for you. You can’t buy your way into change.

Use a coach. Get better. Learn to stand on your own and you’ll not only feel a great sense of personal victory but you’ll also feel more motivated to conquer your goals. And isn’t self awareness the real goal?