Autonomy or dependence?

Are you searching for those who will challenge you to change? Or are you simply looking for those who will appease your desire for confirmation that you need something more?

A huge deficit I see in nutrition and fitness industry is the tendency toward the latter. While a supportive community can help us to feel welcome and develop an identity, it can also help us feel welcome and develop an identity. If that identity is one based on dependence and entitlement we are doomed to failure. Sure, we might be able to manipulate our way into some new “friends” but are we developing the autonomy and skill to succeed long term?

Getting better should be work. Right now I am finishing up a course in blood chemistry. I’ve spent the last 5 weeks rubbing my eyes and temples wondering what the hell I’m doing and how I got so far in over my head. It’s hard. Really hard. And I’m going to do the entire thing over again. Because I want to learn. This course is part of a larger course that will take about 2ish years to “complete”. No degree at the end. No accreditation. Nothing. Except for the knowledge and the work.

I could easily have found someone who has an easier course that caters to me and requires no change on my part. I would get a fancy certificate. Maybe a three letter acronym to show for my weekend. And I wouldn’t have to question where I am and where I need to dig in deeper to bring up my deficits. I would feel great about doing something while never having my biases challenged or my ego bruised. I’d be the exact same.

So if you want to stay the same while also proclaiming your desire for change, find a community of dependence. Find a group of like minded people who will echo your sentiments that the only way for you to change is through ego massage and coddling and dependence on the actions of others. If what you want is actual change, find those who will challenge you and push you to find the best version of yourself. For diamonds only come from coal under intense pressure. Without the challenge, it’s just a dirty rock waiting to burn out.