Stop being afraid of fear

We’ve all heard or read the reductive statements that fear is more dangerous than whatever threat we face or that the two forces in the world are fear and love. The ridiculousness of these statements always seemed so evident to me but they have grown more prevalent in recent weeks and I have seen how they have influenced my clients in a negative way so let’s put a nail in this coffin.

Like the lead character of Donnie Darko, I’ve always had an aversion to dogmatic proclamations with no basis in truth. So the fear and love thing drives me up a wall much like our protagonist in the bunny story. As does the idea that fear is more dangerous than that which we fear. So what is fear?

Fear is a behavioral, contextual, evolutionary and autonomic response to a perceived threat. If you walked out your door and saw a loose tiger (or Carol Baskin) you would almost surely flip into a WTF moment as your brain floods with adrenaline. You flip into a heightened sympathetic nervous response; fight-or-flight. There is likely some evolutionary response but you also have read and been taught that a loose tiger (or a Carol Baskin) is a deadly confrontation. This is fear. It exists to keep us alive. There is nothing “bad” about it.

Fear is the essence of being and doing at once. There is no conscious thought, there is no contemplation, there is no discussion. There is just fight, flight, freeze.

Anxiety, on the other hand, is a dull hum of sympathetic response. Slowly releasing stress hormones and leaving us in a state of constant unrest. It is worry about a perceived threat that may or may not exist. It is living in the unknown future and it can wreak havoc on our minds and bodies. And this idea of avoiding fear? Yeah, that’s gonna create some anxiety.

Fear is an emotion. It is an evolutionary necessity that helped our ancestors survive. Don’t be afraid of fear. Understand it, disentangle it from anxiety, and use it when it’s needed. Most of all, don’t fear it as an emotion. And if you are married to Carol Baskin, pay special attention.