Self-compassion

The Role of Self-Compassion in Sustainable Change

Most of us think we need to “get tough” with ourselves to create change. We tell ourselves: Push harder. Stop being lazy. If you fail, it’s because you didn’t try hard enough.

But let’s be real—has that ever worked long-term?

Self-compassion isn’t about letting yourself off the hook. It’s about recognizing that change is messy, and being human is hard sometimes. When we beat ourselves up for slipping, we don’t bounce back stronger—we sink deeper into guilt and shame.

Imagine if you could treat yourself the way you’d treat a friend who’s struggling. Would you call them a failure? Or would you remind them that mistakes are part of the process and that every step forward, no matter how small, is progress? On that same note, would you ignore a friend if they were repeatedly engaging in behavior that is harmful? Or would you have that hard conversation?

Self-compassion, just like compassion for others, is about wanting the best for oneself. It means giving grace, while being honest.

The truth is, self-compassion doesn’t weaken your resolve—it strengthens it. Research shows that people who practice self-compassion are more likely to stick with their goals because they approach challenges with curiosity, not judgment.

So the next time you feel like you’ve “failed,” pause. Take a breath. Ask yourself: What would kindness look like right now?

Self-compassion is a skill, just like anything else. The more you practice it, the more natural it becomes. And when it does, you’ll notice something remarkable: change becomes less about punishment and more about possibility.