Forgiveness

Forgiveness IS an act of self­ compassion. Whether it's forgiving others or yourself, it's meant to allow you to move forward.

There's no progress living in the past.Forgiveness isn’t about the other person, even if that other person is you.

When we work on interpersonal relationships one thing I reiterate with my clients is this: “forgiving someone doesn’t mean they’re not an asshole”. Forgiveness is an act meant to move us from being stuck in a past event and move forward. It’s not “forgetting” or “complacency”. In fact, it’s not about the perpetrator at all. It’s about our own relationship with self.

Part of forgiveness is also recognizing that a boundary was violated and making decisions on how you will deal with that in the future. You may decide to limit or eliminate your relationship with that person. That’s also self-care. In fact, when working on self-forgiveness, setting future boundaries is also vitally important. Violating your own values is a fast track to feeling unfulfilled.

Self-compassion is an important aspect of behavior change. And forgiveness is an important aspect of self-compassion. As long as it’s not confused with allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. It’s about letting go of the past, setting proper boundaries for the present and future, and creating a tomorrow that is free from the bounds of yesterday.

Forgiveness IS an act of self­ compassion. Whether it's forgiving others or yourself, it's meant to allow you to move forward. There's no progress living in the past.