Why are you asking advice?
When we feel stuck or in a rut, we often turn to others for help. Or at least we would be better off if we did. The greatest failure of our western ideal of rugged individualism is that we far too often try to take in too much. Collectivism might sacrifice the individual for the sake of the group but there will rarely be a moment that one is asked to suffer alone. Help is inherent.
Yet when we go to our communities or mentors to ask for advice, what is our intent? Are we looking for actual answers or are we looking to find an answer that allows us to avoid challenge?
A common occurrence that I see is this search for confirmation that our behaviors are not at the root of our issue but rather some grand external influence. Our progress in pursuit of fat loss isn’t because we are simply overeating or unaware; we are stuck because of cortisol or insulin. When someone responds that, hey, it might be the pizza and beers we dismiss them and keep looking. In a way, I suppose this is just a personal form of confirmation bias. Confirmation bias is simply looking for and self selecting information that supports our preconceived notions while ignoring information that counters them. It is prevalent among fitness professionals and every Facebook political argument is rife with it. It is so common that one of my clients, who holds a PhD in psychology, is writing a book about it. I guess he sees it a lot.
In research, in scientific practice and in my own nutrition practice, it is imperative to root out confirmation bias and destroy it. There is no upside to it. It clouds judgement and drives shoddy work. So why would our personal lives be any different?
Self awareness is the lever we pull to keep ourselves in check. It comes through constant evaluation of what we do, how we act, and who we interact with. We must look for discrepancies in our values and our actions. It’s not fun. But it’s the path to self improvement.
So the next time you find yourself asking advice, are you looking for answers or just confirmation? Because one leads you forward while the other simply takes you back to where you’ve been. The choice is yours.