What do you get out of it?

Everything we do has a reason. If you’ve read my series on motivation you’d say everything we do has a motivation (shameless plug). And it’s one truth that I will defend absolutely. We might not understand that motivation or even realize it’s existence but it is there.

When we engage in some type of emotional eating we might feel regret after the fact but before and during we are gaining something from this behavior. It might be emotional avoidance or chasing the feeling that foods bring you. The same can be said for our behaviors around relationships or alcohol. We engage in behaviors for the reward we receive.

Now, that reward often doesn’t look like a reward. In fact, it may look like punishment of self-sabotage. But somewhere along the way we are gaining something from that behavior. So the goal is to identify the benefits.

This will be an exercise in self analysis as it’s much easier to identify the things we don’t like about problematic behaviors so brutal honesty is required. Think about familial relationships and your history regarding a certain behavior. Often, we will find it’s genesis began decades ago. If we can identify the reward, we can work on replacing it.

We identify and then describe. Describe in excruciating detail exactly what the feelings experienced are and what they do for you. Get granular.

The next step will be replacing our problematic behavior with something else. What else fills that same void or provides those same feelings? What is a behavior you wish to engage in more that would not only provide those feelings but also benefit your life?

Honesty in our motivations is an important step in self-improvement. It’s easy to be critical but finding the benefits in a problematic behavior can be harder. Work to see what it is you gain from your behaviors and you will be that much more prepared to change.