Problem solving

Unwanted emotions are often a reaction to an event or situation that is unexpected or reminiscent of another event linked with some sort of trauma. While we can’t protect ourselves wholly from unwanted situations, we can learn to better control our environment through focused problem solving.

Much in the way we analyze our behaviors, we can analyze events and situations. First, as in all of our skill work, we must properly identify the problem at hand. What exactly is the situation that is causing distress? Describe the problem in excruciating detail.

Now we work to check all our facts. Is this actually the problem that is causing our unwanted emotion? Be very conscious of facts vs feelings, we only want to identify the facts of the situation and not our biases or judgements.

What is your goal in solving this problem? What do you want to see as a result? What needs to change in order for you to be satisfied with resolution? Be realistic and simple. We want a direct solution that is both possible and likely.

If you’ve identified your goal start brainstorming potential solutions. Even ask for ideas from trustworthy friends or colleagues. Don’t judge any ideas, get as many down as possible.

Choose the best solution or two and if need be do a list of pros and cons. It seems juvenile but it really is effective at finding a better option.

Now we act. Remember, all the planning in the world is useless if we never put it into practice. Don’t ruminate or overthink it, just do!

Last we analyze the results. Were we successful? If so congratulations! You e successfully problem solved your situation! If not, all good! We just step back, reevaluate, and try another potential solution.

Emotional response to situations is unavoidable but we can work to control and mitigate unwanted emotions. Problem solving events and situations will better help us understand the genesis and life cycle of unwanted emotional response and therefore better respond in the future. It’s not easy and we may find a lot of missteps on the road to success but such is the learning process. Put in the work to reap the reward!